I think we can all say that 2020 will be remembered as the year we became very acquainted with wearing masks. A lot of us have worn a mask over our faces in every situation that we are with people not from our household. Recently, I was walking into the grocery store with my mask on, contemplating how much I miss seeing people’s faces, especially their smiles. I was then reminded of the truth we all know in our hearts. We all wear masks at least at some point in our lives, and some wear these masks almost all the time.
I’m talking about the invisible masks we wear to shield ourselves emotionally from people around us. Sometimes we find ourselves wearing these masks more than we live without them. I’m talking about the times we smile and say, “I’m fine” when the truth is, we are falling apart inside. We may feel embarrassed to let others know what is going on inside of us.
I think the psychological masks we wear are used primarily to hide and regulate our fears and shame. I know that’s what I’ve used them for. Before growing a lot in my recovery journey, I feared people truly knowing the real me. I was ashamed of who I really was. I felt there was something inherently wrong with who I was as a person. I felt like a disappointment and a failure.When I was sick, I hid the best I could, that I was suffering from an eating disorder and that I was a closet alcoholic. I wore the mask of perfectionism to hide my hurts, shame and behaviors. I wore the mask of busyness to show people I was still on my game. I can’t remember how many times I pulled out the mask of “I’m fine” from my back pocket to try to dispel any questions or concerns.
The truth is that the pursuit of perfectionism and the badge of busyness lead to a slow death inside. Really all masks do. Masks keep us from being truly connected to others and even God.
Psalm 51 is written by David to God after he was confronted about some awful things he had tried to hide.
V 6 But you desire honesty from the heart (inward parts), teaching me wisdom even there (NLT).
God wants us to be truthful about everything in our lives with Him, with others, and even ourselves. When we are, we learn, we grow, and we gain wisdom about how to live this life fully.
If we are honest about it, the masks we wear in the name of protection, are about us living dishonestly. My shame and fear before recovery left me unable to live without my masks. I had worn them so long, I thought I would die without them. The truth was, I was dying with the masks. So much of my recovery has been about learning what masks I used and digging deep until I knew why I “needed” those masks in the first place. I could deal with what my heart deeply wanted and how I could care for those needs without my masks. Sounds simple enough, but it has been a gut-wrenching journey, but one I’m so glad I persevered and stayed on. Today, honesty and truth are two of my biggest values. Ask me pretty much anything today and I’ll give you the answer straight up! I no longer have the need to hide my fears and my shame. I’ve dealt with them and no longer have use for those masks. There is a big freedom in that, and I can breathe so much easier with the masks gone.
What about you? Do you know of any masks you wear? What are they hiding to keep you “safe”? What would you have to do to rid yourself of your masks?
Well said as always Kelli! Thank you for continuing to use your gift that God has given you and the wisdom to use it wisely. I know you impact lives in such a positive way and that brings honor and glory to Him. He, in turn gives His peace to them.
We miss you and your family,
David and Janet
Thanks for some great points!