Trust: A Foundation of Recovery and Freedom

Trust: A Foundation of Recovery and Freedom

Posted on by admin

How many times in early recovery did I wrestle with this word, TRUST? The eating disorder had whispered for so many years that it was to be trusted to have the answers to my shame and fear. In direct opposition to that voice, my treatment team of physicians, therapists, and dietitians asked me to trust them as I navigated a new way to see life.

It felt like blind faith to work with my team and walk hesitantly forward in recovery.  Was it though? They were the leaders in the world of eating disorder recovery. They had many years of experience. My trust in them grew steadily as I saw that what they said, and what they did had positive effects in my journey. Trust in my treatment team gave me confidence to continue to do the hard things that recovery demanded.

Why was trust such a difficult thing for me?

I grew up feeling there was a disconnect between what people said and what they thought. I was sure that what they said was not what they meant as I observed their actions. This seeded my distrust in people, and ultimately in God. Essentially this led me to doubt God’s true intentions towards me. It was difficult for me to take Him at His word, and question His goodness, provision, and love for me.

I grew up understanding God’s perfection, His righteousness, and authority. I was, also, glaringly aware of my failings and my shortcomings. God’s grace, compassion, and love were attributes that were difficult to grasp. My thinking was “if God did love me, it was because He HAD to. He is God. Love is who He is.” It was so hard to let my heart believe that He loved me because He WANTED to.

I realized that my attitude in my Christian walk was one of understanding that my redemption was God’s doing alone. However, it was somehow my responsibility to live in such a way to never let God be disappointed in His decision to offer me redemption and salvation. Wow! If that is not a recipe for living in shameful pursuit of perfectionism, then nothing is!

A huge piece of my recovery from my eating disorder and substance abuse has been a spiritual journey from my head to my heart. I grew up being able to rattle off Scriptures I learned about God and His attributes, but my heart needed to let the truths of those Scriptures sink in and heal some deep wounds. Looking back I can see that all of my questions really centered around one core issue: Trust!! Is God really everything He says He is? Can I take what He says at face value? Is He trustworthy?  

God has been faithful to show me that His unfailing love is for me. He has healed deep trust wounds in my heart that tainted my view of Him. He led me from Genesis to Revelation showing me His heart and desire for relationship with me. I can say today that I trust Him completely, 100 %. I have a love for the Scriptures deeper than I ever had before. God was way big enough to take my doubts, my deep wounds, my questioning, and patiently led me again and again to His words and actions in the Scriptures that overwhelmed my heart and gave me a deep-seated trust in Him.

I can trust God today with everything….my hurts, my questions, my life! My trust in Him is not a blind faith. It’s not a running leap off a cliff hoping that someone will catch me before I hit the bottom. No, my trust in God is based upon Him acting 100% consistently according to His intentions, and to what He has said in His Word. Today, my solid hope, and my inexpressible joy are firmly planted in my trust of my Heavenly Father. Everything, even the hard things, are for my good. He is for me! My trust in God lets me rest, lets me be confident, and lets me offer hope to others. He has proved Himself time and time again to me that He is enough.

What about you? Is trust difficult for you? Do you doubt that God is who He says He is? Try going back to His Word with an open heart to see His unfailing love throughout history. See how what He says and what He does always match up. He is trustworthy, indeed!